Do you know what a panic attack is? I’ve never had one personally but Mom and Zuc do. Have you ever been the one on the outside of a panic attack? They’re terrifying- for everyone involved. Mom says she used to have them all the time. In 7th grade, she used to lock herself in the car in the school parking lot until she had to throw up. Then she’d crack the door enough to not get upchuck inside and her mom or guidance counselor would have to pull the door from her before she could close it again. This happened every single day for almost the entire school year. It was bad. Now she doesn’t have them as often because she learned ways to prevent and control it. It doesn’t always work. She had one the other day. I didn’t know what to do it was so bad! Normally Zuc and I can make it better but this one was consuming her. Then she started talking about putting an end to her misery.
How about depression? Do you know what it is? Do you know how it feels? Have you ever been the one looking in at a person who feels like a shell? It is not a good feeling. Mom’s been seeming to do better lately. I can see her trying. She’s also been sleeping a ton more than usual. I guess she’s been through this before too but she doesn’t talk about the depression like she talks about anxiety and panic attacks. Depression scares me. Mom was saying really bad things until Brooke called and made her calm down. I still keep watching her and hoping she doesn’t say things like or feel like that inside anymore. Zuc won’t leave her heels. He had a really bad life before he went to the shelter and Mom and Dad saved him. I think he understands what Mom is going through more than I do. If Zuc is worried, I’m worried.
This weekend we went back to Grandmom and Grandpup’s. They don’t know about what happened but I think Mom needed a break.