panic attack

If you’ve read any of my other stories you know that my mom takes lots of medications. Well, we came to grandmom and grandpup’s house so she could de-stress after her major anxiety attacks. (She had one here too) We came for the weekend which has extended into the week. Mom did not anticipate this and ran out of her medicine! What will she do?! When she doesn’t take her medicines she gets craaaaazy. Or maybe it seems more like laaaaazy? A little bit of both I suppose. I’m definitely both! All the time! I love being a dog. If I want to run around like a crazy lady and jump into the doggie pool, I can. If I want to curl up on the dog couch and nap for a few hours, I can do that too. All day, any day. Maybe mom should become a dog?

Anyway, I call her craaaazy because she whines a lot. I don’t even do anything and she yells and says I hurt her. I mean sheesh, since when did kisses hurt?! She’s also crazy because one minute she could be super happy and the next she’s crying on me. She claims it’s because the Cymbalta is an SSNRI or something weird thing like that. It messes with her neurotransy-thingys in her head that make her decide how to feel about different things. Humans are just so darn complicated. For her it helps with the anxiety and depression but most of all with the control of her pain that attacks all over her body.

I call her laaaaazy because she doesn’t want to do anything with me. I guess it’s not that she doesn’t want to but more that she can’t. No medicines means no energy. The Provigil helps to keep her awake and keep her brain excited. We all slept for 2 whole hours yesterday! After sleeping all night long we passed out in bed in the afternoon and then went back to bed last night and slept all night again! I’m telling you, laaaaaaazzzzyyyyy.

Good thing I have extra friends here to keep me busy. And we’re still going to be here for at least 4 more days. I guess it’s time to call the doctor!

Do you know what a panic attack is? I’ve never had one personally but Mom and Zuc do. Have you ever been the one on the outside of a panic attack? They’re terrifying- for everyone involved. Mom says she used to have them all the time. In 7th grade, she used to lock herself in the car in the school parking lot until she had to throw up. Then she’d crack the door enough to not get upchuck inside and her mom or guidance counselor would have to pull the door from her before she could close it again. This happened every single day for almost the entire school year. It was bad. Now she doesn’t have them as often because she learned ways to prevent and control it. It doesn’t always work. She had one the other day. I didn’t know what to do it was so bad! Normally Zuc and I can make it better but this one was consuming her. Then she started talking about putting an end to her misery.

How about depression? Do you know what it is? Do you know how it feels? Have you ever been the one looking in at a person who feels like a shell? It is not a good feeling. Mom’s been seeming to do better lately. I can see her trying. She’s also been sleeping a ton more than usual. I guess she’s been through this before too but she doesn’t talk about the depression like she talks about anxiety and panic attacks. Depression scares me. Mom was saying really bad things until Brooke called and made her calm down. I still keep watching her and hoping she doesn’t say things like or feel like that inside anymore. Zuc won’t leave her heels. He had a really bad life before he went to the shelter and Mom and Dad saved him. I think he understands what Mom is going through more than I do. If Zuc is worried, I’m worried.

This weekend we went back to Grandmom and Grandpup’s. They don’t know about what happened but I think Mom needed a break.

Tag: panic attack

Medications and their many changes